It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
