I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
