if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
nutella sex= disaster
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
