This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
