Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
