i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
