Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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