Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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