Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
