I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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