Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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