I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
