Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
