I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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