Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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