We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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