It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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