The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
