This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
