I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
