I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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