WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
