HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
