By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
