I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
