things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
