Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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