He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
