i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
