I'm sorry my penis didn't work
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
