what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
