I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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