Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
