Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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