Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
