I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
