Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.

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(904): View more from Florida

So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?

(224): View more from Illinois

story of my life.

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(631): View more from New York

You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.

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(407): View more from Florida

I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.

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(619): View more from California

there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.

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(585): View more from New York

Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern

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