Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize