You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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