the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
