I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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