Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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