Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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