there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
