drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
