Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
