If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
