I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Farmville is her only friend.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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