Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
