Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize