quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
