I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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