Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
