I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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