I want to have your abortion
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
