And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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