you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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