I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
