2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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