Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
