I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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