sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
