Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
