it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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