He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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