if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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