If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
