Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
