Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
