Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He felt like a one man threesome
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
