I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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