don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
