i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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